Eating Disorder Recovery: A Decade Later
Dear Recovery,
You have been a long, slow and sometimes painful journey. There have been times when I thought no progress was being made, but looking back at these ten years, I can that we’ve really pulled out the stops. Look at how far we’ve come for a decade (and more) of restrictive eating, under-eating, overexercising, dieting and using food as a coping mechanism.
I feel grateful for the willpower, truth, authenticity and courage you have instilled in me.
Despite this, I do admit I have resisted you, rejected you, ignored you and have even believed you were not possible. But you’ve proved me wrong. Working together, we have met beautiful and challenging mirrors, helpers, healers, motivators, teachers and lovers who have all played their part in helped me grow and love more courageously.
Once you showed yourself to me, it was very hard to “unknow”, to slip back into living in fear and in the dark depths of sadness. Sure, I’ve taken a few steps back over the ten years, but never have I turned my back on you and what’s possible. I can’t go back. It’s only forward - even on the tough days.
I am slowly replacing my eating disorder with Recovery as a coping mechanism; a coping mechanism that actually works, nurtures and balances my spirit. Recovery, I know you have only my best intentions at heart.
You are my wise self and intuition, my caring inner mother and my sprightly inner child.
I am Recovery.
Love, Me xx
Connecting and softening in nature. Picture by Appster
For more on my writing on eating disorders and recovery, check out the following links:
How Eating Disorders can Harm Relationships