Somatic Sync for Eating Disorder Recovery
My eating disorder did everything it could to get me away from my body. Feeling the weight of my legs, the breath in my belly, the fluttering of my heart. I could be with none of it. Everything movement triggered me. With this extreme separation from my body came an enormous amount of obsession. I was constantly weighing my body; tugging my skin around my arms, belly, and thighs; prodding on bones; staring with disgust in the mirror. I wanted to run away from my body and yet every moment was filled with me observing, berating, shaming, punishing, and hating my body. The more I ran away from it, the more I ran into it. I was stuck. I had nowhere to turn to. Every direction was met with a wall of resistance and judgement… and with my body.
My body was an obstacle that had to be overcome, and to be overcome with great force.
13 years later into recovery, I no longer push my body away, cast it aside in a corner, or ridicule it into silence. Yes, there are moments where I struggle to be in my body, but it is less painful, and the moments come and go with more ease. I now see my body as a vessel, a temple, made up the elements, part of Nature, Nature itself, a mystery, a house of forgiveness, my story, a gift.
I have come to relate to not just my body but my soma.
According to Dr Arielle Schwartz, one of my somatic teachers, says that the soma is the interconnected thinking, emotions, actions, relating, and worldview, all embodied. When we relate to our soma, it is not just the physical structure but all these thoughts, stories, beliefs, and emotions that live in, through, and with the body.
For those of us in the world of body phobia, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, food rules, and exercise as control and punishment, the body is generally related to in an objectified and utilitarian way. And let’s be honest, the culture in which we live encourages this way of relating to our bodies. From this lens, the body is seen in parts, for its physicality, separate from the self. It is seen as something to manage, steward, control, keep healthy, or feel ashamed about. From the lens of somatics however, the body inseparable from the Self and is part of how we choose to live, act, and relate.
This means that our beliefs, reactions, patterns, and survival strategies live in our somatic structures, that is in our neuronal pathways, cells, tissues, muscles, and organs. These embodied patterns, which are carried out by our habitual practices, are reinforced by the social structures and systems in which we operate. We cannot change these survival-based habits through conversation, thought, or willpower alone. This is because the language centers in the brain have little influence over the survival centers in the nervous system and the brain. This is why eating disorder recovery through talk therapy alone often does not lead to long-term change. Of course, language and thoughts are important, so in the big picture we want to align head, heart, gut, and movement. Body-brain. All connected.
Our bodies tell our stories probably more honestly than our minds. Our bodies hold it all. They tell our life stories. Our bodies are shaped by our stories, and our stories shape our bodies.
In this way, the body is speaking about its survival. The eating disorder symptoms and behaviours are the ways in which the body is speaking about how it makes sense of life, what it takes to survive, what it means to be alive, and what the soul needs to thrive in the world. When we begin working with a mentor, coach or therapist who is somatically-trained and eating disorder sensitive, the body takes center stage in the therapy room. Here the body is not an obstacle to overcome, or something considered last in recovery, but rather what helps us recover. It is a resource in the healing path, and we learn to resource the body as a tool in healing. The body is a source of wisdom and needs to be understood. We explore the body experience (in, down, through) rather than focusing on body image or how it looks on the outside.
For someone to be somatically aware means that they are respectful of the core connection between cognition, affect and soma. They understand the difference between top-down and bottom-up processing; “bottom-up” means that our body is the first in line that experiences life, which then impacts our feelings and finally our thoughts and reflections. You can imagine the frontline of an army who react first to whatever is happening as the body, then whoever is behind the frontline responding to whatever just happened as the emotions, and then whoever is behind all of them - as those most removed from the experience – as the brain. Top-down sees it in reverse. The most removed (or with most “rational perspective”) decides what emotions to feel and how the body should react. However, the body operates at different pace than the brain as it rooted in the present moment, which is an important function of the nervous system in keeping us safe from micro-moment to micro-moment. For people with eating disorders, starting with the body and the nervous system is crucial in orienting feelings and thoughts towards recovery.
Nervous system regulation can be accessed through somatic resources such as grounding, centering, breath, orientation, and working with posture, movement, facial expression, and gestures. With the body we learn how to build trust and rapport, safety, self-worth, and a sense of self.
Indeed, recovery is a process of deepening embodiment – with the body you already have. You can read more in depth about embodied eating disorder recovery here. Embodiment is awareness of the body and awareness of the world through the body. We build embodiment by expanding what we are aware of (mindfulness) and expanding the seat of consciousness, that is where we are aware from.
So why should we start with the body first? Our nervous system needs to be regulated first. Our body influences our feelings, thoughts, and how we see the world. When we are regulated inside of our own bodies and know how to move in and out of spaces of connection and disconnection with understanding, we start to see and act with the world differently.
Polyvagal theory, developed by Stephen Porges tells us that when our nervous system is regulated, we feel safe, connected, and live in a reality where there are endless possibilities. This is creates a positive feedback loop of inner and outer perception. What Polyvagal theory has also shown us is that a regulated nervous system correlates with better digestive functioning.
For those of us in eating disorder recovery, we may have experienced some challenging digestive issues. And when our digestion is not working well, we don’t feel good about life in general, right? And this does not only apply to people in recovery. Think about, when we get anxious, we may have a runny tummy. If we have experienced some kind of depression, our digestion works a lot slower. If we are hyper-mobilised, where there a lot of racing energy, our digestion gets impacts. If we are immobilised or lethargic, our digestion reflects that. This is because our vagus nerve (hence “vagal” in Polyvagal), which is highly myelinated, runs from the brainstem all the way to the gut influencing nervous system and digestive functioning.
Our nervous system is constantly listening inside the body, out into the environment and between other people for cues of safety and threat This is called “neuroception”, the internal surveillance system that looks for cues of safety and danger 24/7.
If for whatever reason we no longer feel safe, we move into our sympathetic nervous system where we experience increased blood pressure, rigid muscle tone, and heightened arousal to fight or run away from the threat. This tension and constriction don’t support our capacity for digestion when we are in the fight or flight mobilized state. And many of us are living in this state constantly. With this raised cortisol, higher levels of inflammation, and tension, our digestion and ultimately worldview is impacted. Sometimes we find ourselves in an immobilised state, where the threat is so big that all we can do is go into shutdown. This dorsal state, which when is functioning well, helps with rest and digest as this is where the vagus nerve finally reaches the stomach, spleen, kidney, intestine and colon. However, when there is a whole system freeze (the extreme function of dorsal), this impacts our digestion in the same way too.
So, it seems like we need to feel safe to have good digestion, and good digestion to be connected in the world. For those with eating disorders, this can seem like a chicken or the egg scenario.
To begin working with the soma, we come to work with its rules, not how we think it should. If we are still engaging with eating disorder patterns (big or small, conscious or unconscious), we must remember that the mind is not a reliable place on how to engage with embodiment processes. The soma has its own intelligence, and we must follow its rules. We understand adaptations and shaping have happened on there own terms as ways of survival (indeed, eating disorders are more survival adaptions than disorders).
To be with the soma, we slowly go into those places that are contracted, holding and touching in the way that is moving with the energy rather than willing it to move any differently. Focus on how this part as you find its location, the sensation, how widely it spreads, and how deeply it runs. We can connect more resilient places in the soma with more stressed or numb places, and allow the aliveness to move through the soma, opening spaces for sensations to move and aliveness to flow, thus allowing our whole Self to move with purpose and connection. We allow movement, we allow change, and remember (which is probably something that people with eating disorders fear to face), that the only constant is in fact change.
Through working with the soma we develop adaptability, capacity, tolerance, fortitude and flexibility. Through this somatic work we develop resilience and ways to navigate the world with safety, assurance, and empowerment. We learn to trust our bodies. We learn to be with our Soma.