Dropping Out of Diet Culture this 2021
It's that of time of the year where all the conversations seem to funnel into the classic end of year weight talk and body commenting.
As we approach the end of 2021, many of us will engage in gatherings with festive meals. During these festivities, it can be challenging, especially if you have working on making peace with food and your body, as comments around what to eat, not to eat, weight gain, weight loss, and everything in between swirls around the table. It can be super hard if the comments are directed about your body. This can leave us feeling objectified, judged, and shamed.
If you are concerned about how your body may be perceived and received, especially when the are passing comments are about your body, here are four tips you can use in these situations:
1. Visualise the other person is in a trance. When I remember what is was like before I started this journey and ED recovery, I used to judge people's bodies all the time and would project my fears onto them. And so, in a way it is really not about you, but about them. When we judge others, we are really judging ourselves. Those who comment the most on other people's bodies are usually those who are the most concerned about theirs. It is only when we start engaging in this work that we see the trance of diet culture for what it is. We don't know what we don't know. And so if the other person genuinely does not know any other way, we can practice some compassion.
2. Do not engage. You can walk away from any conversation you do not wish to have. A conversation can only happen when both people are engaged. A conscious conversation can only happen when both people show up with an open heart and mind, and a willingness to be changed. You are perfectly entitled to walk away, stay silent, or change the subject.
3. Create boundaries and call in support. It can be helpful to make some time before entering into a space to create some energetic boundaries and call in any supports (kind and healed ancestors, your spirit guides, and power animals) to be with you, protecting you, providing you with a specific quality that you want to embody (e.g. courage, patience, tolerance, empowerment, pride etc.). You can also set a boundary by asking that your body not be commented on or that diet talk is not spoken about around you. You can do this if comes up in a conversation or as a preventative measure beforehand.
4. Address it. If you feel it is needed to counter what is being said and address it, take a breath and practice non-violent communication: "When you said...[state your observation]...I felt...[state your emotion]...because I need/value...[state your needs]...Would you be willing to...[state a concrete action]...? This is a powerful way of expressing yourself honestly and standing up for yourself, and owning your feelings (no-one can take that away from you).
This path of recovery is an inner journey that leads each of us to our true self. Whilst it's great to have support around us who "get it", we also have to remember that everyone is on their journey. Part of the healing process is also making peace with the fact that some people may never realize this ocean of diet culture that we are swimming in. Indeed, fish did not discover water. When we are enmeshed and immersed in an environment, we do not realize the dominant cultural environment. It has become normalized to the point of it being invisible.
And so we have compassion for our process and everyone else's without taking it on.