What I Learnt From Breaking My Leg
On the night of February 9th 2021 on Ometepe island in Nicaragua, I got on the back of a motorbike. I knew I shouldn’t but I did anyway. We drove up a dodgy hill and lost control. I fell off the bike with it landing on my twisted leg, that then pierced a rock, opening up a gash in my shin.
I ended up with a spiral fracture and a big cut, resulting in surgery where they placed two plates and ten bolts in my leg. Pure power!
It could have been worse; it always can.
The accident was a long-time coming. In fact, I knew something like this was bound to happen soon. I had been calling in stillness and the big shots to help with my eating disorder recovery. I needed to hit rock bottom. So I hit a rock and fell to my knees.
The accident and subsequent recovery has been one of the most life-changing and inspiring experiences. I have received immeasurable amounts of love, care and support from loved ones, strangers, my ancestors, the lands of Nicaragua and South Africa, the plants and helping spirits.
Here are some of the things I have learnt thus far:
Time is an illusion.
When I was able to focus on the pace of my own healing rather than expecting my leg to heal by a certain time, I felt calm and at ease. As soon as I tried to catch up with everyone or rush my healing, I felt impatient, anxious and fearful. I committed to staying in the harmonious flow of my own healing, rather than playing into doctors’ projections of when I would heal, or trying to fast-track my process. Being present has been the ultimate medicine.
Connection and friendship are lifesaving.
I am so grateful to my past self for taking the time to build genuine relationships based on trust, compassion and integrity. Despite being away from my home country, oldest friends and parents, I had cultivated true friendships over the year and a half of living in Central America. This meant I had an abundance of support and care in a variety of forms. The overflow of love was tremendous. I could never have got through it - truly - with such ease and grace without my tribe!
Your body knows better than anyone.
Listening to my body has been a hard thing for me. My eating disorder has helped me stay conveniently out of touch with my body but this injury brought me right back. Never have I felt so in tune with my intuition and body’s needs. I listen with way more honour than I have ever did. This teaching also means that while I respect my doctor and any other support team member that comes my way, I have the choice and free will to decide what is right for my body. My body knows better than anyone. And with this attitude, my healing went at a much faster rate because I chose not to be limited to any time frame (see point #1).
Feel the feels but drop the story.
I have had periods of sadness and anger, but as soon as the accident happened, I dropped immediately into a space of acceptance and forgiveness. I could see the wider picture of why it all happened and welcomed it into my life. I had no desire to ruminate of what I could have done differently, who was to blame or why I was “the one”.
The healing you ask for is the healing you get.
I asked for deeper connection with my body through stillness and grounding. I even imagined myself sitting somewhere quietly in nature. I knew that for this vision to come to life, something major would have to shift that would require me to be still with the subtle. And then the accident happened and all I could do was sit! Healing comes in any forms. Expect the unexpected. Accept it humbly.
Connection to something greater.
I am so grateful for my spiritual practice that helped me to connect to something greater than myself, that helped me see that this “accident” was for my highest growth (not punishment), and that it occurred for my own, and the world’s growth and transformation. Finding solace in the Divine timing gave meaning to the experience and understanding why it was meant to happen, and thus to see it through with gratitude and peace. Everything is sacred and everything is on our path to support our Highest good.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
I just surrendered, accepted, and let it all be. I allowed myself to be in is the chapter of accident, injury and healing and to truly be in it fully. It was a chapter that I knew wasn’t going to last forever, and that this chapter was ripe with unique gifts! This practice allowed me to stay open to many possibilities that were exclusive to this moment.
Stillness is required before authentic movement can emerge.
Before the accident I was running towards something. I was running away from something. I was chasing, clinging, and moving in many directions. I was running for others. But I was not moving towards where I wanted to go. Stillness, pausing, stopping for a breath was required so that I could get back on my own path, at my pace. Indeed, plans from the Divine are much more refined and will always course correct when we are out of alignment.
There is no such thing as security or control in life.
Things can change in a matter of milliseconds. The impermanent sacredness of the body is suddenly immeasurable and humbling when going through a sudden, lighting-strike-change. We are being asked to loosen the grip on the illusion of control. We are being asked to accept that transition and that change is always happening.
Health is wealth.
I was fortunate to have the resources to pay for quality healthcare in Nicaragua which included a trusted surgeon, nurses and a doctor who saw me for two weeks to clean my wound and give me antibiotics. I have been working with a physio. I have had the means to eat nourishing food. I have had the time to literally stop everything and focus my energy of healing; I have had very little stress or distractions during this time. Good health and good healthcare are a privilege.
Healing on the shores of Ometepe.