Eating Disorders or Eating Adaptations?

Our bodies are what will help us recover. The body is a resource in the recovery process and must be resourced effectively within the recovery process.

In traditional eating disorder treatment, the body is almost completely ignored. Indeed, most therapy is top-down, talk therapy, leaving no space for the bottom-up communication of the body to be included in the dynamic. And in the ED space where there is so much body phobia, it is understandable that perhaps both the therapist and the client with the eating disorder don’t know how or desire to venture in the void of the body. And the body can feel like a void: An unknown landscape with an infinite amount of big and small feelings, desires and impulses. And yet it is also filled with intuitive wisdom and an inherent capacity to restore inner homeostasis and heal.

The body is carrying heavy imprints of the past, the trauma, and the pain of childhood in each present moment, if unacknowledged, repressed or unresolved. By working with the body we can untangle these imprints into more coherent, congruent patterns that are more life-giving, supportive and sustainable.

The eating disorder shows us where there is dysregulation or where there is a place of stuck energy. As my teachers from the Embodied Recovery Institute say: An eating disorder is a process of trying to make sense of the world, and what the body needs to survive and thrive. Eating disorders are metaphors of what is missing or what is dysregulated, and food and the body are unconsciously used to attend to whatever deficit there is in the system. And since the body is always trying to find a balance, these behaviours come into play to try rectify the imbalance.

Dysregulation implies that somewhere along the way there was a rupture in the attachment system, defense system or in the sensory process. This rupture can look like a lack of secure and consistent attachment, an inability to defend oneself or reach out for safety, or being misunderstood. I speak about this in more depth here. One can argue that an eating disorder is a coping strategy, but beyond that it is a dysregulated coping strategy, and so the eating disorder is a symbol or expression of dysregulation.

With this in mind, it’s not about the food. The food just happens to be there and is being used to signal that there is a dysregulation in one’s life. So we approach eating disorders with a lot of curiosity, and we can ask: Where on the path are you stuck? And what can we include to help support you?

An eating disorder is a smart, adaptive strategy to try get through and make sense of life. I don’t view it is an disorder. I see it as a process and clues for where help is needed. This is why I am getting all hung up by describing it as “my eating disorder”.

Having been in eating disorder recovery for 13 years, I still have yet to find the right language of how to describe what an eating disorder is. It just does not feel quite right to call it “my eating disorder”.

“My” implies that it is mine - and it’s not. On a cognitive level, I don’t want to be attached to it. It’s not part of my essence, or my Self. I didn’t consciously choose it either; it was something I unconsciously absorbed many years ago as a strategy to survive.

The words “eating disorder” also feels less resonate in my system these days. “Eating adaptation” makes more sense to me because these behaviours have over the years helped me adapt and balance out the dysregulation. When the dysregualtion was really intense and I was unable to manage the energy in and around me, the ED behaviours of restriction (anorexia), healthy eating obsessed (orthorexia) and over-exercise (exercise addiction) were fast, strong, and all-consuming. As I have discovered other regulation tools for my nervous system, the ED behaviours have naturally faded as I have learnt how to regulate and balance out my nervous system, from the inside-out. There are less adaptations I have do with food because I now implement other strategies that are more sustainable. With these new supportive foundations, the ED can rest and does not have to do so much work to manage and cope as these new tools are now doing the job.

I have found that the word “disorder” is quite stifling and implies I am out of order (something is wrong with me). And for me, my ED had its foundations in me feeling like I was wrong, or bad, or not good enough. Whilst “adaptation” on the other hand feels a lot more freeing and empowering without negating the seriousness of an eating disorder. It is a lot easier to adapt and change rather than trying to overcome an disorder.

Eating disorders (or eating adaptions) are complex and nuanced. Each person experiences them differently and at different degrees in their life. I encourage you to look at where there many be dysregulation in your attachment system, defense system and sensory processing, and find support from a group/therapist/coach who have an understanding of somatic practices from an eating disorder lens so that you can come into relationship with your body, the ultimate resource in the recovery process.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this reframe and new language. What do you think of this change in language? Do you think it could help you in your recovery path?

You deserve to be free. You are worthy of what you want. May we all rise.

Photo by Sarah Ball on Unsplash