What Does Eating Disorder Recovery Look Like On The Other Side?
I have been pondering over a question that I often receive in my 1:1 sessions and monthly support groups, which is: What does recovery look like on the other side?
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This powerful question immediately asks us to dream a life without the protective food and body strategies, and to envision who we would be without them.
This is such a beautiful contemplation that I am sure many of you who are walking the eating disorder recovery path have come across in your hearts and minds.
It may feel like a big step to try to imagine a life without these behaviours and thought loops, especially if you've been in it for a long time, or if it feels like the eating disorder or disordered eating patterns have become part of your identity.
If this is you, I would like to gently share with you that this is ok, and by acknowledging that this is where you are at, is the most important part of this whole process.
It is ok to not know. It is ok to not be able to imagine a life without the eating disorder/food/body rituals. Accepting that this is where you are in your journey brings compassion and patience - which are two keys to this journey.
We start where we are, not where we are not.
Remember, when we are wrapped up in the eating disorder, it is very hard to dream and envision. This is one of the results of trauma or prolonged stress: It is more challenging to access our creative capacity and imagination, because the system is more focused towards survival.
For many people, an eating disorder began as a protective strategy during a time where there was a lot of unknown and chaos. The ritualistic food and body behaviours are ways to bring in order, control, and certainty.
When life doesn’t feel safe, and when we haven’t yet learnt or developed tools to support and regulate, we will do whatever it takes to mimic a sense of control and protection. This is where meticulous calorie counting, exercise tracking, and strict food planning come into play because it brings a sense of order to an internal and external world that feels chaotic.
When our system is still locked in a state of survival - where getting away from danger an avoiding threat at all costs are the only priorities - the focus becomes narrow, leaving little room to dream big or widen and open the focus.
It is key then, for anyone in recovery, to access spaces and moments where things are safe so that there the system is able to genuinely downregulate and soften. It is in moments like these, that are safe, grounding, and recalibrating, that envisioning and imagining new possibilities can occur.
So, I invite you to ponder over these questions as you imagine a life, a day, or a moment without an eating disorder:
How would you show up in the world?
How would you value your body-temple?
In what ways would your connection to food change?
What larger, collective systems would shift or fall away?
How would society organize itself, and what would it prioritize?
Would your relationships - including with the Earth - be any different?
Two final thoughts on this contemplation -
Everyone's recovery looks different and so what recovery looks like to you will be totally different to another person.
We will all be led on our own paths, experiencing the unique experiences that we need to support each of us in own healing and transformation. Do not compare the pace, speed, direction of your path to anyone else. Remember, your individual path, however it looks, contributes to the greater collective and generational healing.
Your unique path matters. Deeply.
And there is no end goal to reach on this path.
The road of recovery has not finite end. There is no "other side". Whilst this path does result in a lessening of punishing thought patterns and a decrease in reliance on restrictive food and body rules, it is a gradual, never-ending process, with many layers that extend beyond food.
Stay for the process.
Be here for your process.
I honour you on your path. Thank you for showing up.