Reclaiming the Sacred Feminine for Eating Disorder Recovery with the Help of Psychedelics
In eating disorder recovery, reclaiming the divine feminine within is a personal initiation and the retrieval of one’s intuition.
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For many people navigating eating disorders, disordered eating, or dieting, there often has been a rejection of the sacred feminine. Many of us, whether we are female, male or non-binary, have not gone through this process of learning how to connect with and live from the seat of our intuition - and psychedelics can help us reclaim this inner power.
When I was in my own eating disorder, I feared this energy, because she associated with power, vulnerability, and existing in the liminal of the unknown.
I was afraid of taking responsibility in my life (no longer a child), where I would be required to take up space and speak my truth. I didn’t believe I was worthy to stand in the center of my circle and claim my right to be here.
The thought of coming into my own power and my authentic embodiment felt like a threat - I feared if I came into myself, I would shift collective dynamics and societal structures - and I was threatened by the possibility of being rejected by the collective.
For many, there may be a sense of feeling powerless in a patriarchal system (of which diet culture is built upon), which leads to the embodiment of submission, resulting in a fading into the the background, letting others take the lead, and a desire to not be seen.
This may cause a felt sense of helplessness, or feeling helpless, which in order to compensate leads some to become overly independent - a desire to do it all alone. As such, helplessness can manifest as being hyper-independent, which in a way, is getting stuck in the unhealthy masculine, which is symbolized as doing things alone and in a rigid, cold way.
The Sacred Feminine is lost when we stop listening within. She is lost when we try to be good and perfect for the outside world. She is lost when we fear the world coming in too closely, or when we are unable to hold our own boundaries. When we cannot safely find our way to the Sacred Feminine with the support of elders, and community, we find ways to shut her off.
The armour of the eating disorder is a way to try feel safe in a world that doesn’t support the power of the Feminine.
The root of my eating disorder was a disconnection from the body of the Earth and her cycles, as well as my own. Recovery includes remembering and reclaiming nature’s cycles, and our inner cycles - and that they are not something to fear but rather can be harnessed for healing and creation.
At her core, the Feminine energy is about cycles and is connected to nature.
For women, coming to accept our menstrual cycle is part of reclaiming the Feminine. The female cycle of the bleed is an intimate reminder of the Moon cycles, as well as the Summer, Autumn, Winter, and Spring seasons in nature and within our own bodies.
Cycles teach us about life, death, and rebirth, impermanence, letting go, surrendering, and releasing.
Embracing the Feminine means embarking into the void space. She is comfortable with the unknown - and she flows in it graciously and strong. This, of course, is opposite to eating disorders which want to keep everything organized, structured, and under the illusion of certainty. Yet, the Feminine is cultivated when we start the process of rebuilding the ground within, and move from a linear to a cyclical orientation.
As such, she knows that all cycles are liminal in essence; transition are ever-present, and nothing is ever solid. The liminal, in-between space is where anything is possible.
It is the space of possibilities, new growth, birth, manifestation, regeneration, change, transformation, and creation. In these spaces, she turns inwards rather than penetrating the outside world for answers, and listens inside.
Stepping into the embodiment of the Feminine, is a pathway out of an eating disorder, because it's a process that requires inner seeing, hearing, and knowing - rather than looking outside for answers. This cultivation of intuition is our sixth sense that first disappears when we starve, binge, purge, or get wrapped up in diet culture.
Intuition is a sensitive and subtle sense that can easily get numbed out by the dense energy of the eating disorder. And it's a skill that we all have, can redevelop, and can all learn to trust by tuning into our senses (our five senses), and our interoception (feeling into the body).
Our body is our greatest portal into the Divine Feminine.
This is why an embodied approach to eating disorder recovery, where we work on developing the body as a resource for healing is such a powerful approach. When we connect with the body, intuition and hidden gifts emerge.
Recovery asks us to slow down in order for the sensitivity to build by paying attention to the world around us and the world within. The sensitivity can then be transmuted into one’s power, and used as a way to attune and discern the world around us.
Indeed, psychedelic medicine, like psilocybin, Ayahuasca, Iboga, MDMA, or ketamine, support us in unveiling the truth of all the external constructs we have to believe, and the walls that we have built up in within ourselves.
Psychedelics and plant medicine help us bring us back to the truth of our power, and reconnect us with the body, with feeling, and ultimately with this deep, dark inner knowing, which is our intuition.
When we enter a plant medicine experience, whether it’s a macro or microdosing journey, we move from the known to the unknown. Our brains under psychedelics become “entropic”, meaning new connections are made, and we are able to think more flexibly and perceive in alternative ways. We see and feel things anew. Working with plant medicine takes us into the deep recesses of our mind, body, and heart, to reclaim the forgotten or repressed parts, in order to integrate, expand, and create something aligned and new. We can only do this by entering the void space.
Indeed, eating disorder recovery is about going into those void places, reclaiming the ignored parts, holding ourselves with nurturance and care, and ultimately coming back to our true self.
When we step into the portal of reclaiming the sacred feminine, we are asked to let go of the dependent child role, as well as releasing the once-necessary structure and guidance from our caregivers, especially the Mother figure, seeing that she is no longer the central guide for our future and for our instinctual life. It’s like learning how to hunt and fly on our own (but not alone).
Parent-child dynamics start to shift and change to allow a new woman to be birthed, where she's able to take more risks for her own life, and to become clear on her own values, not the standards fed to her by previous generations.
The more we step more into who we truly are by releasing old or generational imprints, the more we are asked to examine the shadow aspects of ourselves. We have to let the pressure build between the false self and the real self, in order to find home within.
In seeing and accepting the shadow - warts and all - we learn to accept the full spectrum of life, which is of course is the opposite of diet culture, which wants us to accept only one way of being and looking in the world.
We need to incorporate otherness to heal. We need flexibility to heal. We empathy to access safety and no longer move from a place of shame. We need self-acceptance for recovery.
Stepping into the sacred feminine means integrating some kind of otherness, wildness, or earthiness that is not always accepted by society.
People may raise their eyebrows and react. Thus, to stand in recovery is an act of rebellion. It takes a revolutionary stance to go against what society tells us.
When we incorporate the full spectrum of human expression - through acceptance and flexibility, healing takes place. And when we can turn that same gaze of compassion onto ourselves, we recognize the great power within, trust develops, there is space for listening, and our intuitive gifts emerge.
Photo by Poppie Pack on Unsplash