Finding Ground Within

Have you experienced a moment (or many moments) in your life where it seems like almost every aspect of your life is changing?

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And there's no way to stop the process nor turning back?

I am finding myself in one of those moments. It's like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and the only available next action is to jump - to fly through the air and at some point land at the foothills of yet another mountain.

My body often feels like it's moving forward and backwards at the same time, demonstrating to me that I feel both ready and scared to take the leap. My day is filled with rollercoasters of freedom and withdrawing and with spaciousness and contracting. Oh, the highs and lows, ebbs and flows!

As my concepts of home, work, relationships, ways of showing up in the world, and sense of self are being challenged to grow and evolve, I am also observing how the old imprints are resistant and sticky to shift. And at the same time, the new patterns are excitedly calling out to be set free.

Being compassionate and patient with myself is the only way to navigate this internal tug-of-war. In offering myself warmth, gentleness, and softness, there is an atmosphere of nurturance and openness that is inherently conducive for these new patterns to encode.

And so when I meet the resistance, judgement, rigidity, or hardness, I open my inner and outer vision, relax areas of tension in my body, take a longer exhale, and bring out the big mumma bear from within me so I can hold myself.

I remind myself that it's ok to be scared of change and of expansion.
I remind myself that it's ok that the old imprints of protection and survival still show up.
I remind myself that it's ok to go slowly and take small steps when facing the unknown.
I remind myself it's ok for the process to be messy and confusing.
I remind myself to enjoy the process of leaping through the air rather than worrying about the landing.
I remind myself that it's ok to fear change because it almost always leads to a more deeply aligned truth and fuller embodiment.

Whatever you do, find the ground within

This pendulation motion of expansion and contraction are the growth edges that change stirs up inside of us.

An eating disorder is an attempt at trying to find some kind of ground in and amongst this changing sea of emotion and growth.

When we are able to create a foundation within ourselves that is sustainable, life-supportive, regulating, and containing, we are able to ride the ebbs and flows of life without holding onto the eating disorder strategies to get by.

When that foundation is built to support all emotions and the fullness of our expression, in all of its shapes, textures, tones, and rhythms, the eating disorder can eventually let go of us.

Recovery is about building a sacred foundation within the psyche that is robust and flexible and is geared towards holding the most precious parts within us that yearn to be held.

Paying attention to how the body makes sense of change through how it holds on in some places and where releases in other parts can give us clues where additional support is needed as we move from the shores of the known into the waters of the unknown.

When the inevitable groundlessness of reality beneath us starts to shift, morph, and change, it's time to find the ground within.

It can no longer be the eating disorder behaviours that try rigidly hold everything together.

We are being asked to find other ways to move through change that are more life-supportive, flexible, and sustainable that also include the body - indeed, it is the body that helps us make sense of change, release old stories, and prepare us for the next embodied upgrade.

We are also being asked to be intimately present with each moment so that when change does come, and things do reach an end, we can say we allowed ourselves to fully experience, receive, and embrace life.

Photo by Daniel Newman on Unsplash