Transformational Eating Disorder Recovery
“I don’t regret my eating disorder”, I say genuinely.
Even in those hard, painful, confusing, straining moments, for me, eating disorders and addiction are transformational experiences that hold enriching value.
The word “transformation” means change or conversion. When thinking about recovery, it is not about stopping or restricting a behaviour but rather allowing it change and transform, taking us along for the ride so that our beliefs, feelings, thoughts, behaviour and action take a new form. Grounded, sustainable change does not happen overnight.
For me, recovery is about inner personal and spiritual growth, and incremental daily, positive changes. My experience with eating disorders and addiction has lead me to believe that they lessons and offer advantages, transforming me into more of who I truly am, alive, free, appreciative, and connected.
Eating disorders are opportunities for meaningful change to occur, to discover one’s true self and to heal core wounding.
From this lens, it also means that the medicine is already inside of us. We are the medicine we seek. And that we are not broken and or need fixing; everything is already inside and we have the power to heal ourselves.
We then have the opportunity to heal ourselves in this very moment.
Have you ever imagine a life without “your” eating disorder? Have you considered the possibility of training for that day?
We never know when that day will come when we are completely released and free from the ED thoughts, behaviours and addictions. But it is possible to train for that day – whenever it will come – now.
By envisioning and embodying a life without addiction in small increments (in coaching sessions, psychedelic journeys, and in meditation, and through journaling, dance, mask work, painting, and role playing), we can train the body and mind to align to this new reality. Indeed, the well-known quote, “Fail to prepare, prepare to fail” encapsulates the importance of preparation for a new chapter. Using this time to prepare gives a window of opportunity to look at where one is at in the recovery process, and thus what is achievable in the short and long-term.
This is a chance to strategize and prepare the mindset and lifestyle through identifying resources and skills needed to transition out of addiction. There are also opportunities to prepare for what would happen should there be a relapse. Being aware of all outcomes means that one is well prepared for the journey ahead.
The idea of training for a life without an eating disorder means that we are priming the brain (the reticular activating system specifically) to start paying attention to look out for information related to recovery. This initial awareness is fundamental to the recovery path.
The quote, “the seeing is the doing” reminds us that an important aspect to starting the road to recovery is to see and observe, with compassion, what beliefs and behaviours need to change without actually having to do anything tangible. This is first step to getting to THAT day. And that day is possible.
“The seeing is the doing".”
We awaken to that day through consistently showing up. As we train more and more, it becomes easier as we lay more foundation through practice, trying, testing, evaluating. We start to see how healing is something within reach.
Psychedelics can provide a huge springboard for healing. It can take us right to the core wound or to the top of the mountain in a very short space of time. However, without solid foundation underneath this catalytic experiences, we can fall back down, and hard. Sacred plant medicines are not here to solve our problems. They are here to shine light on things we cannot see or are in denial about. When jump from one psychedelic experience to the next, chasing that rush we felt when we were at the top of the mountain, we are avoiding the integration work and using these powerful medicines as a crutch.
There is no quick fix. The work of continuing whatever was illuminated during a psychedelic or plant medicine experience is the integration.
The question is not “Can psychedelics heal eating disorders?” bur rather “What conditions can I create alongside these powerful sacred plant medicines to keep me on the road of recovery”? It is about continuing to nourish the conditions for change, whilst balancing between being present, getting out of our own way, allowing things to mature, and taking positive action steps. Life is one big integration process, peppered with small and big catalysts that spark new realisations. Psychedelics can be those catalysts and portals, but so can a relationship, a conversation, a book, a retreat, or traveling. The work is then to align with these insights through a daily, humble (sometimes challenging and mundane) integration practice. Turn the downloads into daily action.
What does integration mean to you and how do you ground insights into everyday life?
Photo by Sagar Kulkarni on Unsplash