Dreaming a Life Without an Eating Disorder
Eating disorder recovery is about dreaming and dying. We dream a new life into being - without the eating disorder - and let go of the old, allowing what is no longer supportive to die.
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As we move deeper on our path of healing, we see how our reality has come into being, formed by our beliefs. As we walk the path with greater awareness and more aligned embodiment, we recognize the power to consciously create the life that we want that is free from the eating disorder.
The life that we want, free from the layers of the ED, can be positively supported by empowering beliefs, our ability to envision a fulfilling life path, and by our conscious, committed efforts to show up to the creation of that reality.
When I think about the reality I was in when I was in my eating disorder, it was unconscious; I was numbed out for so long, drifting through life, living somebody else's dream, all of which developed as a response and an adaptation to trauma imprinting.
When we dream a different life into reality, we move away from the trauma patterns, no longer defined by the past. We can stand firmly in the present, and can observe with clarity who is in the driver’s seat defining and creating our future. Is it the true, core self? And if so, what aspects need to die for this dream to manifest? Or is the eating disorder still running the show, dictating our thoughts, feelings, and actions?
Who is the one dreaming?
The power of recovery is the ability to introspect, self-reflect, look within, and envision beyond what you believe it possible. As we walk the healing path, we have the chance to look at anything that has been forgotten or repressed: the parts that the eating disorder don't want to see or deal with. This is the part of the recovery journey where we go into the cave and confront our hidden parts, so that we can ultimately integrate and connect with the true self, and diminish the powers of any kind of dark, repressed forces.
From this place, there is an opportunity to direct the dream into a direction that is more aligned with our authenticity and our truth, and without the eating disorder dancing our dance.
When we reach this stage of recovery, we have reached a place of visioning a future without the eating disorder. It is also the stage where we face “our death” whereby we take a look at what things can be left behind that are not serving this great dream. By facing the shadows, we can integrate them back into wholeness, transforming them into wisdom and treasures. And it is with these treasures that we leave the cave and return to our communities and share our gifts.
We look within and when ready, share these clear and vibrant insights with the world around us, pulling us closer and closer to the dream. And repeat this process again and again.
Bear in mind, the ego will fight against this introspection and there will be resistance to not look at the habitual, unconscious patterns. This is because the eating disorder wants things to stay the same and wants to avoid the shadow.
Thus, to be in the space of recovery takes intuitive grace, radical responsibility, commitment laced with integrity, strength, perseverance, patience, and equanimity.
It is rather the embracing of taking responsibility for our growth and our development, rather than bracing against it.
Through the act of introspection, there is a natural pause and stillness that happens. In these moments, we have the clarity as all the distractions melt and fade away. In the space of stillness, self-reflection, and introspection, there is an opportunity to cleanse and purify your intentions for being here on this road of recovery. So ask yourself,
Why do you want to recover? What does life look like on the other side? What matters to you? What do you care about? How do you want to show up in the world? What does recovery mean to you? In what ways has this recovery journey shaped you? How are you bringing your dreams of healing and growth into reality?
dreaming a new reality
Through this process, there is a washing away of what doesn't serve. As the layers come off, you stand in your truth, in your core essence, and in the pure energetic signature of who you are.
This is an immense feeling to hold and embody.
And it is imperative to practice embodying these higher frequency states over the course of recovery to start aligning the body and mind with this greater vision. It takes practice. We practice recovery in titrated and manageable bites so the nervous system can integrate the evolutions.
Embodying a higher frequency state can be felt in a plant medicine ceremony, in a conscious dance journey, meditation, a sweat lodge, by an inspired conversation, through singing or prayer, creative activities, and essentially anything that gets you into flow.
Holding this frequency can bring up many emotions. It can be bittersweet. It can feel sad: maybe it feels sad knowing how long and far away you have existed from this higher energetic state. Perhaps you feel sad to let go of the old parts that feel comfortable and known. And it can be incredibly exciting to taste what is possible.
Once that taste has been tasted, it is possible to design your life around these inspired frequencies and to dance with that energy. And the practice dance is a powerful modality for moving energy and emotions, dropping us from the thinking mind into the feeling body.
As we dive deeper into our bodies, the more connected we are to our heart space. The heart space is where we dream. It is the place where we create our heartfelt intentions. It is the place that connects heaven and earth, bringing dreams into the physical plane. The heart is like the trunk of the tree, bridging the roots to the earth and the branches up to the sky.
When we step into recovery alongside our intentions, with or without the support of psychedelics or sacred plant medicine (including microdosing), there is usually a desire to feel differently, or to feel some other kind of energy state that feels more aligned, supportive and inspired.
Psychedelics can show us another way to feel differently. Plant medicine show us who we truly are without the layers: the aligned embodiment of our core essence. They remind us that is possible to live more authentically and that we have the right to dream a new reality - and we are worthy and deserving of that reality.
Plant medicines show us that in order to birth the dreams and healing that we envision for ourselves, we are required to tune into the heart space and move from that place with trust, to allow the dreams to continue evolving with us, and for anything else to fall away to make space for the core self to shine through.
The more we step into recovery, the more vitality we feel and the more capacity we have to dream. We have more desire to be creative. There is an increased lifeforce, sense of purpose, and belonging. There is an ability to move with waves of energy and emotions with equanimity. We are able to move the energy of stored, stuck trauma shifting from old beliefs into new ones.
Recovery is about having a flexible, fluid nervous system that can respond from a grounded, centered place. Recovery is being able to envision another reality, and to feel into the boundless oceanic sea of possibilities. It is the process of deepening embodiment, whereby our inner space and the outer world work in congruency, with grace, and ease. Recovery about is moving into another blueprint of embodiment, and into another existence relating and being. Recovery is in the moments where we can introspect and see deeply at what we have created, and to envision something beyond what we believe as possible.
What are you dreaming for your healing, recovery, and transformation?
Photo by Wolf Zimmermann on Unsplash